Called the consular office this morning to cancel the visa interview on this Thursday. No point pursuing it when the plan to move has to be shelved indefinitely. Too much is at stake to leave a comfortable life here for lies and broken promises. Just too tired to deal with it.
Are you a person of your word? Do people trust you? Being trustworthy is a character trait essential for any healthy relationship. But there are many things that we say and do that will break the bonds of trust.
Keeping promises is an important part of a relationship. It builds trust and shows we are committed in what we say and do? Are your yes’s a yes and your no’s a no. What does that mean?
If we end our statements with, “I promise”, that means we are to do what we say and say what we do. If someone says to you, “I will take you out to dinner on Friday, I promise”. But when Friday rolls around, he couldn’t go because he was working late. What happened? He has broken that promise and not being sincere with his words!
Why do we make promises that we know we may not be able to keep? Do we truly believe that we can back up our promises with action? Do we say “I promise” because we want to please the people or we want people to believe in us so bad.? Do we say “I promise” all the time, but more often than not, busy schedules and mismatch priorities get confused in the way, and promises get broken?
If you’re not really sure that that you can keep a promise then don’t make the promise! If you are the type of person who often makes promises, do what you say you’re going to do and be a person others can trust and believe in.
Lying is like a broken promise but much worse. Unlike a promise, which you hope you can keep, a lie is an untruth that deceives people into believing truth, which in fact is not true, but a lie! When you lie to someone, the person feels deceived and unloved by you. Why would you lie ? Can you not be trusted?
Why do we lie when we know it is dishonest? Are we hiding something we are ashamed of? Do we really have a personal relationship with God and our conscience doesn’t bother us when we lie and deceive others. Maybe we don’t want others to hate us, be mad at us, or leave us. Are we dare to lie but are not bold enough to tell others the truth about who we really are?
Did you know that nine times out of ten, others especially your spouse who knows you so well can tell a lie from a truth? This breeds more mistrust and pretty soon there is nothing left of the relationship because one of the major components of a happy relationship is trust and faith.
You don’t have to be a liar. Be an honest person of character and then you won’t have to lie. When you can avoid lying, fibbing and making half-truths you become known as trustworthy, which marriage and all other relationships thrive on.
Lack of commitment in what a person does will eventually lead him to be dishonest in its interactions. Your commitment is your promise that you will be the honest and upright person you say you are. If a couple aren’t committed to each other, what do you think is going to happen? I think all sorts of deceitful deeds will be acted upon; making the other person feels doubt, mistrust, and suspicion.
Unfortunately this kind of unhealthy relationship won’t last long. In today’s society, unfaithfulness and deceitful practices are rampant because many people aren’t devoted nor committed to what they do in life!
Today is our third anniversary for our civil marriage registration. We have been married for three years!!
It has been a rough three years. It’s enough trouble that the person you are married to is still taking his own sweet time to grow up, what more with all this long separation. Suffice to say that we have been separated longer than we were together in the last three years!
What to do with a marriage that doesn’t exist? We are still married mainly because we believe marriage is for life, but I have a feeling that I am just wasting my life with a procrastinator in every sense.
Do you nag, particularly your husband? I really dislike my mom nagging me and thought I would never be one who nags others when I grow up. :-)
But, after being married to a procrastinator for three years, I picked up the habit of repeating the same topic many times. Most of the times were to ensure things get done or move ahead. I hate to do that, but when I am mad, that’s the only outlet to let out the steam, nag, nag, nag…
Being a last minute people who is often rushing to beat the deadlines myself, a super procrastinator who misses deadlines and doesn’t even bother to rush stresses me to the max. I think my white hairs and failing health have much to do with this marital stress!
We have decided that it was best for me to move to IL and reunited with him last November. While I have already liquidize almost 70% of our earthly possessions including the business here, he hasn’t sent out the first set of migration paperwork yet!
There are three major steps of paperwork to file, and we couldn’t do the second set until the processing of the first set starts. Currently it takes an average of six to eighteen months to process all three sets of them. That mean there won’t be green card before that and there would be no work authorization for that long!
He has been gathering documents for the longest time!! In fact, he hasn’t done anything! Nearly four months later, he said he couldn’t find our marriage certificate and need to find a suitable envelope to mail the forms!!
Fed up is an understatement right now, more like is it worth leaving my comfort zone to live so far away from the support system that I have here? Would it be better to just end a meaningless marriage with such an irresponsible person?
With all the negative news around and being told 50% of marriages ended up in divorces this days, we could use something positive like this story of the longest married couple alive in USA.
Fantastic story, isn’t it! Living that long may not be that common and most of us don’t get to be that old, but staying happily married for so long….that’s special! Wonder what their secret is?
All marriages have good times and some bad times. We believe that if your marriage is having problems, you shouldn’t wait too long to seek professional help. We know we shouldn’t let small issues develop into large ones, we were seeing Marriage Counselors trying to resolve issues in our marriage that are causing conflict, anger, and a sense of betrayal, but the Marriage Therapy stopped when hubby moved back to IL and leaving me behind.
Research has shown that even though all couples experience conflict in their marriages, happy couples apparently know how to handle their disagreements because of a foundation of affection and friendship. One thing we try to learn while we are being apart is to fight fairly and handle conflict in a healthy way.[Hubby said that will be called boxing:-)] Forgiveness, change, rebuilding trust and seeking help may never easy, but one thing we do agree is we don’t throw in the towel but need to try to keep on improving it!
As I was browsing through the free articles on www.marriagemax.com, I forwarded one of them to hubby, you know what? It gets us talk about our Marriage Problems in a non threating way! Since hubby had no clue what to get me for Christmas, I have told him to get the The Marriage Fitness Audio Learning Program by Mort Fertel . We couldn’t afford the The Marriage Fitness Tele-Boot Camp™ that costs $399, so we thought the $69.90 Audio Learning System would be a good start to get us talking in a non-threating way. We know from our past that a third party or a neutral resource can get us out of the “you are wrong I am right” mode. I am looking forward to receiving the CDs.
Will you get on a dating site to know people locally? Personally I greatly endorsed such convenient way to meet people. I do have many friends who have met their partners through the many dating sites, some ended up in serious relationship and some eventually got married.
If you find it hard to meet people in real life or are tired of the local bar scene, try out the free online dating . You have nothing to lose but a lot to gain, it will be fun to put your social life on speed dial, join the free chat line service to meet people in your local area. Who knows you might have more luck than trying to start an intelligent conversation at the bar? LOL
When I announced to the parents of students that the center would be closed for a month, everyone assumed I would be flying over to meet hubby in IL for Christmas.:- )Unfortunately, we would be spending our Christmas apart again this year.
The original plan was for him to fly back here so that we can celebrate Christmas together. Though a bit disappointed that he would not be coming back here as planned, the brighter side of thing is that he is working a lot of hours at a better paying job. I am looking forward to visit him next spring when the weather gets warmer!
Was rather shocked the other day when an ex classmate told me she has been seeing a married man for 6 years. The most shocking part was: I happened to know the man and his wife as their two daughters are in my class.
I know we all are vulnerable to a certain extent and am not here to judge my friend, just a little puzzled why she would get into this mess since she herself was a victim of extra-marital affairs. She divorced from her husband 8 years ago because he had an affair while he was working abroad. It sounds to me that she’s afraid of being alone and needs another person’s presence to validate her worth. I am afraid being a third party is not going to be easy too. Like Princess Diana said, it’s a bit crowded to have three people in a marriage!
In order to become emotionally available, we need to open up and be vulnerable, allowing oneself to potentially get hurt. This is necessary for us to emotionally connect with others to find a content, joyful and peaceful life.
People are not perfect and they never will be. Every one of us carries some sort of baggages in handling human relationships. We need to have appropriate expectations on others. Sometimes people exhibit these traits only on certain occasions while others exhibit these behaviors in consistent basis, just the ways people are.
However, for the sake of our emotional health, do we set limits on how much manipulation games, lies, blaming words we are going to tolerate in every relationship? If we have determined people are toxic to us, is it a time limit for us to get up and walk away?
If they are our loved ones, of course setting limits and boundaries will be challenging. Since we ultimately want a content, joyful and peaceful life with meaningful relationships, we do have to take the tough actions. Can everyone of us identify and learn from our past and move on to create a more healthy, loving and caring relationships with others?
What do you do when you are turning into a big explosion? With quarreling, yelling or verbal arguments going on and on, the outside injuries can usually be healed in a short time, but the inside injuries are devastating, heart breaking and much harder to heal.
Most human being especially women are very touchy, we have different reasons or levels to get touchy. Our self-protecting personality will start firing, our brains will immediately think of something nasty and hurting to fight back, and start a war.
I find controlling my temper needs a lot of self-control. Do you feel the same?
Hubby is going to be busy this few weeks. The new job would require him to commute quite a distance for the training that he has to go through. Thank goodness it’s just for a couple of weeks. His actual working location will be nearer.
With the price of gas gets its record high daily, getting a job within walking distance sounds like a wise decision. Or better still, work at home like many of us do. It not only help to save cost, most importantly it helps to conserve energy and save the environment.:-) But, I don’t think it’s a good idea for both of us to work at home, we will get on each other’s skin because we both work very differently. We should learn from our past working together experience that it should never happen again no matter what. LOL
Good news!
Hubby told me the company that he had the third interview last week had ordered a drug test 3-4 days ago. Today the test results has came out and they called. They have offered him a job, a job that pays better, yeh!
I just talked to hubby on the phone, he is on the way to work and to give notice to his current employer. After being in a low paying dead end job for almost a year, he is finally getting a break! He is going to be the dairy manager of a chain grocery store in town. I am so happy for him and for us.
Many of my friends are planning to leave their motherland for greener pastures. Many of them cited the recent political chaos, their worries of the safety of their loved ones, the rising crime rates, the rampant corruptions and of course the better education opportunities for their children as the main reasons for them to decide to uproot themselves.
They kind of told me that I am lucky to be married to an American and could migrate without going through the loops. The thing is, it’s not my first choice to live in the States. True, it’s a great country to live. But, it has also a lot of restrictions of what I can do or cannot do as an alien who speaks with an accent. It’s not easy for me to change the way I speak though it’s not impossible to get rid of the accent with immersion.
Leaving my motherland also means uprooting myself from a culture that I am familiar and learning to adapt to a new culture, getting to know new friends and establish a new social circle. I won’t say it’s an easy thing to do, but it’s probably a necessarily step to keep the marriage going. I just don’t see how the marriage can survive with two people living apart for long term.
It’s not easy to live with someone who came from totally different background and grew up with different set of values. Marriage of two people of the same race and same background already so difficult, what more with one from the East and the other one from the West.
Marriage is not for the faint hearted. If there’s one thing I’ve learned thus far, is that marriage isn’t for wimps, that’s for sure. Don’t you think so?
Have you ever worked together with your spouse? Or do you plan to work together in future so you can spend more time together?
Running a business with my spouse certainly was a challenge. During 2005-2006, we teamed up to run an after school care, a preschool and a tutoring center. The business is housed at a building near town and we return to the house at the suburb every evening.
There were many nights had too much paperwork to get done in the office and we periodically stay at one of the spared rooms at the center when we were too tired to drive home. The business got us practically stuck with one another 24/7. While working together has always been a part of our relationship, it isn’t always easy. It can get complicated. There are a lot of nights I went home at 10 p.m, and I wasn’t always glad to see him, I am sure he was the same.:-)
While working together can be a strain on relationships, I think sometimes the situations can work, but just like any marriage, it takes work. The issues and frictions caused between couples who work together are essentially the same as in any relationship. Decision-making, power and gender roles all come into play whether a couple is part of a business or not. I think it’s about keeping the dialogue open. In fact, the time couples spend together at work can work to help develop stronger relationships instead of breaking it down. Easy than say eh?
Hubby is planning to return here. We are discussing about how he is going to make a living here. He would rather look for a job outside than working at the center, but it’s probably not easy for him to find a job immediately. So we will have to work together as reading tutors until he finds a new job. We try not have to see each other 24/7, as we had a lot of disagreements and got on each other’s nerves working together last time.
We were running the after school care, preschool and tutoring business before he returned to see his parents in IL. Now that I have folded up the after school care and preschool, the only thing he could help out at the center would be teaching the Spell to Write and Read program. I hope it will work out this time as we do not have so much workload and the business is debt free, so no financial pressure with the enrollments.
